6:04 PM
- I need some1, some thing to call my own, coz tts wat brings meaning to my life -
0 comments
I cant see wats ahead of me...
["one way to kick a habit is to get a new addiction"]- i think i have 1 already but its not exactly mine.....yet?
not sure if any1 is to see this but still, i decided to blog again after so long... did intend to post something earlier on but halfway thru i juz tot that i would juz delete it.
so fast im already in my last yr of poly already. and before typing this, i was viewing my webby which i created during my o'lvl period. though looking back now its a bit childish looking, i intend to preserve tt look afterall. dun think there would be any further updates. those were e days man... slping in class, detention in e foyer, going to e toilet every now n then w/o e need to inform e teacher coz i sat at e back door n our class was juz next to it! n potang-ing sch, giving excuses like dental appointments for my braces (once kena caught by mr karid? our discipline master in e act, b4 reaching e sch gate safely. scary, but thrilling. all i had to do was act cool man.), n later kena lectured by my phy teacher 4 missing too many of her lessons (n she made me cry once ={ however, i sill love phy! =D) ... blah blah blah.. now i understand y ppl always say tt sch life is still e best. ironically, i wanted to grow up sooner. not sure if my idea has changed now, but i do feel kinda old already.
e other day went thru my sec sch journal when i was doing a bit of packing, thinking tt i would finally b moving out on my own for awhile but decided not to again. (i juz have a v big prob with e tenants. wanted to move out so damn badly. viewed a few places n had almost made my decision already.i had almost carried out my plan already until i heard tt they will b moving out next month. mayb tts y they tot i always tok crap tts y they nv take me seriously.={ tt was e reason y i was so determined to find a place myself in e first place.) ok back to e journal part, i was reading parts of it n i couldnt quite understand wat i had wrote. spaces were limited and i had to cramp those long stories with as few words used as possible. i came across this part with neo's stories. tt was e time when i was introduced to techno. ha. now when i listen to those songs would juz remind me of him. my fav is still Spirt of Yesterday which he sent me. all e pool sessions with him n andy. n those funny, memorable text msges we exchanged. hints which i din took note of or tried to ignore.... yes i actually took them dwn in my journal! at least when i look back now i know wat was happening during tt period of my life eh... kinda cute leh. yes.... n all e chances tt i have missed.
till now i still have not learnt to seize opporutunities tt r infront of me.... dumb eh...
currently (n at tis moment) i should be chionging my MP but im still rotting infront of my laptop, tv n n bed. kinda have given up my course totally, juz waiting to graduate n get my dip cert only. i have definitely crossed out e option of furthering IT in a university. hopefully after tt would finally go do wat i had always wanted to, take up design n get a job related to it.
going sip in overseas for next sem did go thru my mind but those countries werent really appealing to me. i would really like to get e experience of studying overseas, but i guess next time den if there is a chance again. staying in sg wun b a bad idea too coz it means tt i could work n save up for my long awaited hol!
prob i would stay on at villa bali and join loof after my exams to earn more extra cash. den i could work w brandon again!
at e moment dunno wats he thinking n how he feels about me already. he is like so distant nowadays. if only at tt point of time only he had appeared.. n not 2.-.- he was always interested to know if i had enjoyed e outings n stuff we had. this yr's bday he made it a point to ask me out n tt was kinda sweet, though no big suprises afterall. at e end of e day he would ask n check with me n stuff. did it really matter? even on tt nite at BarNone where his ex was with him all along? (not sure if it was wat i had heard, tt they have broken up already..again.. n i want tt one n only 'o-so-precious' pic tt su ying took of us so badly!!! sad) i juz din know y.. when i was working at Attica, it would make me smile whenever(n tt is like seldom until i worked at courtyard) i c him, though i would always act dao to him. miss all his teasing n irritation. hmmmm n he left shortly after i left for MOS..... think he also understood how irritated i was with the management there, n he also couldnt take it anymore.tt was 1 of e reason i left. but i also wanted to get away from those ppl. sometimes when i was out with them, i would think tt it would not last...n my relationship with them din when i had stopped working there. i was proven right. i wanted to stop living in tt kind of "dream".
e 2nd person i would think of from attica would b A. i think e way i acted sometimes might have given him e impression tt i "jiao ta ji tiao chun", n like wat e other girl said, dunno wat exactly m i thinking... its e fact tt i have been single most of my time, tts y i seem (n i act) as if i dun care about relationship n stuff... but i would really like to snuggle into some1's arms sometimes. which at 1 point of time at dbl0(tt i could remember so clearly... but mayb more than tt) i wanted to hug him tightly like a teddy bear which i gave up after a short n quick squeeze. (i was apparently a bit high too) we din cfm on anything, tt we were together or anything (but mayb it was kinda obvious huh) n whenever we become a bit intimate a tiny bit, shortly after we would act as normal again. kinda awkward... but mayb tts wat u call shy la...or otherwise..we were flirting lor
still... i think all along my heart is (n has been) with brandon. yes he is e ultimate winner even though tt time hanz broke e 'not-so-reliable' bad news to him. it broke my heart when he became so cold towards me (especially when he knew B was also interested in me)
watever it is.. im excited to join loof. however, i think i would wanna have schedule diff from his.
im like constantly running away from things,avoiding all stuffs....... n i think its bad. its tiring u know.....
i would really like to have long term relationships with ppl....frens.. girls n guys... we always seem to have lost touch after some time. of coz every1 has their own lives... but our frenship really means alot to me. so wat exactly is e prob? i guess its me.
1:43 AM
- I need some1, some thing to call my own, coz tts wat brings meaning to my life -
0 comments
NNOOOO...
2nd day of sch already. still feeling lethargic becoz of work. last wk chiong work all e way coz of public hol n e Bollywood event blah... n also "chiong" (club) la...
n ya.. first day of sch lost hp le. -.-... i really dun wanna take about it man. in e end din go 4 my psychology lec. (YEAH!!! i got in to my psychology cds!)
went for zouk's mambo e 2nd time. n really, i dun c much diff in tt place after e renovation except e toilet. thank god pei yuan n his frens were there, else dun think i would have e chance to go on e dance floor. as usual fion n timo were playing 5 10. n i was like ok.. wait till gary's bottle of jack daniels finishes den we will all head dwn. but shortly after we managed to empty e bottle, then came e 2nd. -.- ... like ok.. i tried to help already but a 2nd bottle? no way... yup.. den i left them till e music stops. n kinda funny tt cheryl came dwn to pick us up. well, not bad too... saved us from cab fare. n b4 tt was prata at jalan kayu.
den last thur was dblo. at first jio quite a no. of ppl, but when we got there most of them din turn up. still.. it was a gd nite. hanz, joan, weiling, alvin, fion, steff, aaron, anselm, suying blah... got to try e flaming lamborgini. coz its in flames, had been thinking whether its as "warm" as it seems while drinking but it wasnt as bad as i tot afterall. later which me n fion bought a total of 33 shots of a mixture of teq and vodka. every1 got a shock when e orders came. even myself. its really kinda scary to c so many shot glasses at one time. by e time we girls got high, it was time to hit e dance floor. nice.... hmm... ya, n i actually tried dancing with su ying. o well.. nvm. shortly after tt came e last song.
sad tt i couldnt join e rest 4 supper at Bishan. those after work went too. was like.. of all places y there. so far.. moreover fion was like drunk (as usual) so i couldnt juz leave her there with e other girl, hanz n joan went home too... so hack! i din wanna go alone coz e rest already left. bleah.
sat morning was quite an "on" day too. after work hanz was like toking bout e sale harvey norman was having starting from 9am, so quite a few of us went to check it out. but could have expected it to b a fake. every1 felt conned after realizing wat e sale is actually all about. so some of them left while e few of us who could laugh about it had breakfast at starbucks first b4 heading home. me, edward, brandon, greg, hanz and bailie. though we had been tricked, i like this outing tt we had. i wanna have more of this where we could sit ard n tok cock. but guess wun have any chance like this again coz after work every1 is shagged already, and also supper is provided at attica. im not toking bout those after clubbing or ktv thingy though. so tt morning greg was like our special guest. haha. think tt would b e only time to hang ard with him too coz he doesnt join us on any other days. ={ so sad....
after working 2 days with him den do we actually tok. got to know him a bit better. he isnt as bad as i had tot coz i always had this impression tt gd looking guys 'mei you yi ge shi hao dong xi'. but seriously he is a gd guy. he knows wat he wants in life and works hard for it.
[to b cont...]
5:25 PM
- I need some1, some thing to call my own, coz tts wat brings meaning to my life -
0 comments
*smiles*
love e ktv sessions i had with Attica guys for e past 2 Sundays. Brandon, joan, hanz, fion, kelvin n his funny gf belle... blah...
e first 1 was e crazy 1. all ktv-ed at cine till 6 in e morn. wow! cant imagined we actually managed to do tt! den later left for breakfast at Mr Bean.
last sun was at a ktv pub. din quite like e place coz their Q for e songs go in alphabetical order. so no matter how long u have selected ur song, u might not even get to sing it at e end of e day. chose fang hao wen's Xing Fu but din have e chance to sing it. >:( wanted to try her songs for a long time liao coz kbox doesnt seem to have them, but now... hai.. nvm.. at least there's a pool table for entertainment.
so again Mr Bean was next. afterwhich me, fion n Brandon went Boat Quay coz me n fion dun wanna go back so early. its like this is e last sun for us to hang ard so late b4 our work n sch starts. tts like 2 wks later... hanz n joan joined us awhile b4 heading home.
its kinda nice 4 Brandon to company us becoz of tt which made both of us feel guilty e next day coz he fell sick with a fever. and also.. sometimes i juz dunno how should i treat him. makes me mad n irritated sometimes.... but still, when he gets serious, its quite 'mi ren'. like ya like i always say... 'ren zhen de ren jui mei'. n tt nite he showed tt side of him. he may always seem crappy n stuff, but seriously, every1 of us, even hanz dunno wat is he really thinking inside, though he kept implying that his family v 'wan mei'. he's always trying to keep every1 in high spirits.
hopefully he would open up some day... share with me or whoever he's comfortable with
6:20 PM
- I need some1, some thing to call my own, coz tts wat brings meaning to my life -
0 comments
sweet!
haha... received my first rose from some1 last sun. it was from brandon. a few days ago he was playing ard with e 2 red rose for attica's entrance den he passed it to me. knowing it was for attica, i gave it back to him n he jokingly said he would go get 1 for me e next day. like... alrite... i wait ah... but din know he would actually go get it.
but y? hmm... anyway, thanks 4 doing a gd deed. tot i wouldnt receive any flowers in my entire life n have to buy myself a bouquet on my bday to cheer myself up. but this 1 time is gd enuff.
though it was a yellow stalk, n dunno whether he gave any to e other girls too, it felt really sweet then. he passed it to me while we were in e office doing closing... so sweet. was like where did he get it from sia.. with a few others ard, he not pai seh i also paiseh ah..
n hooray! im getting a laptop soon. ahh!!! im so bored at home. i cant play any vcd coz e player is spoilt. argh... watch tv is all i do. i heard from e news tt it makes ppl dumb n pulls them away from e society if u do tt for a long time. *glup* is it already happening to me? have i mentioned im staying alone at my aunt's place? they both have juz moved to their renovated house at e other part of simei. im waiting for my house to b renovated too. but tt'll have to b next yr or even later. both my sis n i r bugging my dad. ya.. otherwise i wun move move back, u hear me dad?!
*lonely...im so lonely....* i have somehow lost e sense of belonging...
i know wat i want in e future so as not to make my life seem meaningless, but i dunno how to achieve it. all i can do is wait 1 day after another. with my high expectations for others n thinking about those tt r best for me, its difficult n almost impossible to get wat i have in mind.
4:41 PM
- I need some1, some thing to call my own, coz tts wat brings meaning to my life -
0 comments
Movie of the year is...
... the funniest, wackiest
Wedding crashers!
gosh...it was laughter all e way. have to say it was a gd choice, wun even have any prob with catching it again. well mayb on vcd.. anyway, it had proved worthy of my $9.50.
din showed up for work last nite.. =X hack! as if i (or we) care. e management is so damn cock n our welfare is not well taken care of. who e hell bothers or give a damn about e company. e staffs r leaving one after another, n e next will b me. e stuffs i have heard from e other full timer gave me no reasons to cont. working for this unappreciative company. and so many times i have tried not to b racist... ...
after working so many places, seeing so many things n ppl from all walks of life, most of e managements r damn cock no matter how big e company is. seriously... w/o any doubts, its true. it looks gd on e outside coz no1 sees e ugliness until they r in.
juz like wat celebrities and those in e entertainment industry says... every1 sees the glamourous side only. i mean.. ya... who would not wanna portray that kind of image to others?
1:02 PM
- I need some1, some thing to call my own, coz tts wat brings meaning to my life -
0 comments
holiday is here again!.. soon i mean
but b4 tt its e end-of-sem exams. stress. even if im not being debarred (coz of my constant lateness) for e Operating Systems paper (which i have no doubt about it. still waiting 4 e "gd" news though), e results i got back for e case study(assignment), lab test is bad enuff for me to take e sub paper. doubt e marks i scored for e test previously would help much and i definitely wun do any better for e paper in this coming exam.
for other subjects, all i can say is tt if im lucky enuff, i could juz manage scrape thru and get avg grades for this sem. but tts not wat i want. e other day collected my fren's dip cert on her behalf, n e grades i saw was so much better than mine. although im taking a dip diff from her, it juz made me think "do i wanna get all Cs n Ds printed on my cert at e end of these 3 yrs?". of coz not! it will b damn ugly. seriously..'li bu zong xin' ah...
juz had my cmsk job interview yesterday. kinda cock-ed up while in e rm. knew wat i wanted to ask, to say, but had all forgotten e moment i sat dwn in front of e teacher. was to tell her e programs n applications i had created during my "internship prog", but when she asked me, i stuttered. and e worse thing was tt she had to name them for me. terrible isnt it.. =s like how would she know rite? but guess she knows us best. wat else would we tell her besides e stuffs we had done for all our programming (oopg etc) assignments. haha.. but still alrite. was relieved when she said tt i have done fairly well, not too bad... after all e blah blah blah (my bad points). bleah. i pass can le la. bad news is tt yr 3 we gotta present in e lec hall. *glup. can i skip tt? ={
yeah.. i kinda have this bad attitude for learning. "pass can le la". like how far can i go with this "pass can le la". man.. i should b striving hard to b e best! .. eh... kinda give e best of myself i mean...
speaking of this interview, spent $59 on a purple G2000 shirt. happy with it though.. i looked... smart in it. yes i did! hehe (eh.. m i lying to myself? =s) n 1 funny, blur thing i did while i was looking 4 a document bag to go along with e image i was trying to carry. (alrite. e bag wasnt really tt impt) hmm.. how do i share with u.. hmm... better not. too ashamed. too.. sinful! sean knows about it though...=X
and i have to say about this disgusting taxi driver i met while was going back to sch. was already late for my tut and he had to say he have no change for my $50 note. was short of $1 small change and he have to 'gua gua jiao', would not let me off no matter wat. it wasnt my fault to have a $50 note with me alrite! n he had e cheek to say i should have told him earlier so he could turn into 1 of e coffee shops or something to change it. crazy fellow. who would first thing board e cab, ask if e driver accepts big notes like $50? he was trying to b funny or something. even after he had stopped his cab, he din even stopped e metre. luckily i did check e amt n told him e actual amt i owe him b4 leaving my bag in e cab to change e note. was like "ni xian zai cai an ah... wo gang cai qian ni liang mao er yi ah.." shit him la. so i changed for a $1 coin on purpose, walked back to e cab, grabbed my bag n passed him e $ w/o a word(actually i wanted to throw e $ at him =x ok.. dun wanna cause too much trouble). gosh..wanted to slam e door so much harder to let him know how fucked up i think he is. tts e attitude he needs man.
ya.. i ended up 20mins late 4 my tut. -.- anyway...gotta thank e lady from e cafe @ design sch. =)
alrite.. back to e hol mood.
e trip i was hoping to take this hol wun b happening i guess. juz feel like going overseas. soak up e sun in Bali. shopping in HK... or taiwan? but my sis cant take any leave yet coz she have not worked at her place for a yr yet. so i shall save more money and work harder during this hol. ya... this will b e first time im paying for my own hol trip. with my sis... n hopefully some frens would b able to tag along too. cool~!
back to sch. its been sucky these few days. n i wonder how long can i hang on....
there is this guy i kinda admire in class. he is such a gentleman n 'hao hao nan ren' . always holding doors to us ladies (4 guys too alrite) n blah blah.. he is e type of guy tt is so hard to find nowadays. helpful, friendly and VERY polite to those ppl ard him. so unlike those 'xin zhong xia zai' de ppl, who treat girls well only to try to woo them. ahh... wasted.
boooooo... i wanna b in a relationship again! i need some1 to share my ups n dwn, my tots with. make me feel.......... i cant pick juz any1 can i?
girlfriends!!! where r u guys???? help!!!
10:37 PM
- I need some1, some thing to call my own, coz tts wat brings meaning to my life -
0 comments
